| x. Naomi needs a brain transplant or overhaul or rewiring. |
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[08 Sep 2008|08:25pm] |
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hmm. this is... weird.
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[16 Sep 2004|10:04pm] |
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Ayreon- Day Nine- Playground |
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It's been like, at least a month since I've done any ranty entries so I'll start this one off with three things that currently annoy me wheeeeee!
1. People who think they are attractive and are in fact as ugly as a bum's hairy anus or something, which is probably very ugly but I would not know (HOLD THE SARCASM PLZ). I'm not one to mention names but for entertainment's sake they can all be found at Briche's modeling agency across from Echo modeling agency and also a community that Lydia has urged me to delete in fear that they will all come after me with "death wurbys".
2. This girl Clara who tried beating me up two weeks ago and has since tried getting me fired several times via pouring Elmers glue on random articles of clothing and saying I did it. Some people believe her because I apparently "give the impression that I would destroy clothes with glue".
3. People who list "lipgloss" on their LJ interests list. Yikes.
And it's not a ranty entry without Annoying Away Message of the Day (this is a doozy. hee.)
if the sun died
would it be here
anymore?
if the moon escaped
would we cry
forever?
away.......
Closely followed by
shoo my partay tonite hit me up
Okay well the following is meant to be serious, so. Don't expect anything FUNNY.
I wanna write about picking a movie to watch with your "significant other"/boyfriend/girlfriend/turtle/doll that resembles a girlfriend/etc. before everyone breaks up and no one gets married and has kids causing the population to plummet and the rest of the world to throw wild parties because those tard Americans make really bad movies OMG. Incidentally, according to statistics written on a wall in a public bathroom stall, the US uses more fossil fuels than any country in the world. We'reYou're also the fattest. Maybe I shouldn't write this to save the country. Maybe it should sink into the ocean already. Nah, already started and I have nothing else to write about anyway.
So, movies. According to statistics I'm making up completely, contrasting movie tastes are the primary cause of present-day divorces and um, other things, like that revolution in Jamaica. People just have NO CLUE what movies to watch with their significant others. Observe. Take notes. Learn.
***WARNING: I am going to be stereotypical and you have been warned.
The first Typical Female Movie (TFM) that came to my mind was You've Got Mail. I'm sorry but that's my favorite movie. Not saying I'm a typical female, because I've been known to do a lot of manly things such as punch things and fart, but I love some of those click-flick type things.
More example of TFMs-
Nodding Hill
Stepmom
My Best Friend's Wedding
anything with Julia Roberts in it pretty much
Riding In Cars With Boys
Sleepless in Seattle
Casablanca
Titanic (well, shut up)
See a trend here, men? Most of them-- in fact, all of them-- have a love theme. At least I think they do. I wouldn't know because I really fucking hate anything with Julia Roberts. And the main characters aren't TOO obviously sexy, at least not in that threatening "omigod is this really PG-13" way. Women can relate to these people because these people do normal things, such as eat. That's why they're called "chick flicks".
Next I had to consult my manly friend Adam on Typical Male Movies (TMM).
mastrificator: Give me some examples of a "guy movie" plz.
hayesgfi: terminator 2
mastrificator: Like movies only guys like.
mastrificator: Recent ones though.
hayesgfi: terminator 3
mastrificator: ;O
After some brainstorming we came up with a nice list of TMMs-
Fast & Furious
Tomb Raider even though Adam insists this isn't one
Catwoman
Not Another Teen Movie
American Pie
American Pie 2
American Pie 3
Pornos
anything with girls
anything with violence
anything with "crude" humor
basically anything that females don't like
There's three ways to get around this huge difference in taste. I choose the popular "beat up significant other" method, in which you beat up your significant other, which clearly explains the revolution in Jamaica. Or you could ignore movies all-together and replace the time gap with sex, which isn't so popular for religious reasons, low libido, etc. etc. so you're left with choice three, the least popular of them all. Compromise.
Compromise movies are defined as "movies that fall into neither the TMM or TFM categories and are good." I can't think of any compromise movies offhand because not that many exist. Some comedy and drama flicks are good compromise movies. Most horror movies are too.
So we clearly have a major dilemma on our hands. Heh, this turned out less-serious than I thought it would be. In case you're about to write me a snooty comment to inform me that I am an ignorant man-hating poophead or something I should point out that I wrote this based on ONE experience with ONE person and he probably wasn't YOU specifically. I wouldn't know for sure since I was completely trashed at the time. Hmmmm. Bye.
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[21 Apr 2004|04:07pm] |
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=anti_anti_nj
?!?!?!??!?!Well how DARE they. To create a community for the sole purpose of bashing the SAME state that created Miss America and Leo's Yum Yum's. This is appalling and wrong. I, for one, am a huge fan of salt water taffy. I can tell you, straight from experience, that I've seen plenty of great things in New Jersey. There're some sculptures in Hamilton that are seriously amusing if you're me and find amusement in everything. And the biggest thrill of going through New Jersey, the real payoff, is when you reach the last destination on the NJ Transit: Trenton. Everyone's heard of Trenton! Right? Okay, well my family talks about random cities in New Jersey all the time. It's how we pass the time when my dad isn't peeing in the sink and my mom isn't threatening to have a stroke. Okay now seriously speaking because I can't hold back much longer, everything I've seen in New Jersey is dull and shitty and I don't know why anyone bothers to live there. It's not much different from Long Island except that I've never been in NJ during nice weather. I'm completely convinced that a cloud permanently hangs over NJ. It's an unrelenting cloud fixated on reminding all visitors that, no matter where you live unless it's Haiti or Florida, it could be worse. My apologies to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) purpleflower who's probably sharpening her machete, or purchasing one, as you read this.
me- "AAHHHHHHH GET OFF OF ME YOU FREAK ::bite::"
dad- "DON'T BITE ME ::breaks finger::"
me- "OH FUCK MY FINGER ::kicks wildly into the air:: MOMMMMMMMYYYYYYY"
dad- "DON'T KICK WILDLY INTO THE AIR ::makes ear bleed profusely for 20 minutes::"
me- "MY FUCKING EAR YOU FUCK WHERE'S THE ANTIBIOTIC OINTMENT FUCK"
mom- "FUCK"
This is a semi-typical night in my house except usually it doesn't end in my mom threatening to move to Vermont and my dad threatening to leave permanently and become a traveling violinist.
I can't type with my right index finger because my dad bent it all the way back in attempts to make me stop biting his wrist. It's swollen to twice its normal size. This could get me out of gym if I really tried at it, which would be really convenient since running the mile is the equivalent of dousing my eyes in lemon juice or something. Anyway, my mom broke up the fight in time to stop my dad from ripping out one of my upper earrings completely. My problem is that biting is my only defense and it doesn't do nearly enough damage. I need Newman to teach me some kung fu.
Edit: mastrificator: You need to teach me some serious kung fu defense action!
mastrificator: Like BAM!
LeproticNimrod: You, like, kick him in the nuts and stuff.
LeproticNimrod: Just figure out where his legs are, then move your foot upwards between them.
LeproticNimrod: You'll get them eventually.
mastrificator: BUT THAT ISN'T KUNG FU AND I NEED MORE MOVES THAN THAT
LeproticNimrod: THAT'S TOTALLY KUNG FU
LeproticNimrod: Once you've got him down, you have to kill him.
LeproticNimrod: That's the way to fight.
LeproticNimrod: Win all the fights at once, see?
mastrificator: Okay, so kick him in the nuts and then what?
LeproticNimrod: Break his neck.
mastrificator: How do I do that? XD
LeproticNimrod: Um...
LeproticNimrod: Try kicking it really hard.
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